To help enter Lucid dreams: look at clock many times a day until it becomes a ongoing habit. THis will transfer to your dream state. Remember that when you dream, every time you check the clock, it will be dramatically different, so if you check, and it's 2 pm, then check it right away once again, it'll be 5:42 am. Ect.
Last exam finished. And it wasn't as bad as I thought. The last minute review of the last two weeks helped, I didn't think it would since last minute studying doesn't usually work for me, I usually forget it all, then blank at exam. Ick. But not this time!
And I got back two essays, B, and B+. which is good for me : )
I feel like I"m in a hurry, because I've been going non-stop for a while, trying to get as much in for studying while getting in as much as I can when I'm not. WEll, now I have no studying, and it's like, wham. NOthing is waiting for me, I can do nothing, and I won't fail anything! haha, it's awesome.
I have to go for Pho with Steve soon. Next week. I bought these 'mice' things online a while ago, that you can scan your book, and it'll get all the info on it for you to log. I wanna catalogue my library! It'll be fun.
Oh, and I bought The Occult by Josh McDowell 1900, Witchcraft and Black Magic by M. Summers 1900, and Astrology and Other Occult Games by Ronan also published in 1900. Very awesome. I think I've just started by own collection of old Pagan books : D
I imagine they'll be quite unique. While there are simularities to Gods in different patheons here on earth, there are simularities, such as ones related to the Sun, Moon, earth, plants, specific animals. So if the sun meant something else (ie, too hot if close, or not as relivant because farther away) or if there were different animals (long term adaptation to the planet).
Curious.
Very Very happy.
couldn't keep to the fast though, i rely on food during study. having nothing to do all day but study, there's no distraction from cravings... too torturous. I'll start again when I go to work.
sister's doing ok. probually.
I'm getting excited for my summer job, one and a half weeks till I start : )
and I lost half of my ID today. Half! It must have fell out of my wallet.
Very horrible.
Attempting to burn Dollhouse. I"m not as computer savy as I'd like.
NCIS = YAY
Masters in history = YAY! with Teacher thinking YAY
Class almost done = YAY!!!!
You can see how elaborate I am able to be right now...
lol
..........
ANd I gotta call about the jobs. Get that done.
either way, Happy that I don't have to worry about wether I have a job or not, just a bit of messing around to find out what job I'll have.
I'm fasting again, starting Sunday. Saterday some friends are getting together so I wanna wait till the day after to start. Hmm. Maybe I'll start after Brunch. Head to the OPC after brunch, and start mid-day. hmm
The job with Health doing website updates, lots of writing and aboriginal activities offered me a job.
The other one, the research one, I called and said I wanted the job, and wanted to know if it was still availible since this other job came up, but that I really wanted the research one. He suggested I take the other job. Turns out they have someone in mind for it. But tomorrow I'll know for sure... call and see.
But the first job looks good. Before I called about the second one, I was happy at the job offer, though I suppose I would have been happy about either : )
So tomorrow, I will say yes to one of the jobs, likely the first one, maybe the second one.
SO that's less stress for the summer : )
Oh, I am moving into Marie's place tonight. I will give the cats a bit of time to get use to me before Marie leaves.
I didn't clean the litter downstairs and Nugget peed on my bed : (
so all the blankets are washed, I'm very thankful for matress covers, no pee on matress, just blankets.
It's going to be odd not living at home, turns out I rely on thier company a lot more then I thought. lol.
Plus, I"ll miss my cats.
I've been looking further into my Mi'kmaq roots. I was not sure if Aboriginal jobs were the way to go, because I was not raised on a reserve, so I often feel like I'm cheating.
But many Mi'kmaq arn't raised on reserves anymore. It's me, I decide.
And I like labels. I"m a goth, Bi, Mi'kmaq, Pagan, ontarian univeristy Graduate of History : )
Well, I'll be a graduate in April.... Not that I'm leaving school though, at least one more year.
I'm really thinking about doing a masters into pagan or Mi'kmaq burial practices...
I was thinking, if I want to know more about Mi'kmaq culture, then I'd have to learn out east since UNB/STU and CBU are the universities I can find that teach Mi'kmaq culture... So I'd have to be there for one semester. but 4th year history classes are almost all a full year course, so I wouldn't be able to take one easily...
hmm, Reminds me, I gotta go check about next year 4th year courses.
Oh, and the Dollhouse is VERY good! recommended to anyone who liked Buffy, or well, most shows on TV... lol
Wow, I forgot how badly depressed and messed up I was while I was in Halifax.
And how Lonely I was when I moved back to Ottawa.
My lifes completely shifted.
I now get along with my Mom and sister
I am *happy* living at home, which is very odd, considering how horrible it use to be..
I weigh less then I have in four years. And I'm in shape!
I love to run! (10K in May )
I am qualified for a degree from Carleton in History once my exams are done
I have experience, thus a way in, to a gov' job pretty much whenever I'm ready (once I graduate)
I am happy.
I have friends, good friends. Lots of friends. How I use to miss this after highschool.
I know alot about my Mi'kmaq culture
I'm a naturalist!!! Selectively anyways, at Swims and Festivals :D
I'm completely in the pagan community
And what's great? My anziety is relatively managable. *knock on wood*
And I am no where nearer my goal of completing my essays.... lol
Essay for Holocaust class (not started)
Essay for Quebec, James Bay (research done, half written)
Essay for Graveyards, Akwesasne cemetery (research done, outline done, partially written)
Essay for Historical Represenation, Website review (almost done, just need to review and touch up)
Take-Home exam for Historical Representation, (Unstarted)
Mini-quiz for Managerial accounting (unstarted).
... SIgh.
I Think I'm gonna cancel the one activity I had yet to cancel, the Naturalist swim.
I don't think I should risk going, my mind works GREAT at night. it's the morning and day that sucks....
At least I have lots to choose from...
Your result for The Spirit Animal Test...
The Jaguar Spirit
You are a Jaguar Spirit. You move like a predator, and enjoy the night. You are agile and graceful, and have amazing night vision. You tend to be solitary, but sometimes get along with one or two others. Jaguars are very wild spirits with strong wills.
Don't forget my two other spiritual tests:
Sitakaliism Test Paganism Test, my political test:
The Fruity Commie Pinko Liberal Test, and my Biology Test
Don't forget my two other spiritual tests:
Sitakaliism Test Paganism Test, my political test:
The Fruity Commie Pinko Liberal Test, and my Biology Test
But YAY! Done!
Backing up Data Done! Twice!
Sleep time : )
I love sleep. More then food, or running or... not quite music, but... it's close.
Sleep good.
I've got class tonight that i'm looking Forward to. I"m so glad there are classes availible for the pubic on Paganism, energy work, and all that. It's odd though, if you don't have a way "in", you don't know anything that's going on.
Still. I want a Coven. *sigh*
I want a Teacher, who will work with me and a group. I've VERY happy about individuals in the Pagan community who have aided me and taught me, but I want a group of people that I work with regularly, who has a teacher or two who are very experienced. That would make me happy.
As long as they weren't obsessed with male/Female duality in the existance of all.
Yep, very happy. Lol
But yes, I'm very glad to have met some teachers who will work one-on-one, for that I am VERY thankful. My basics keep seeming even more basic, the more that I learn.
I am going to try a meditation though, that my friend Marie was mentioning, where you go to the astral, visualize the links between me and other people, and start knawing down and breaking free from people who've I kept in the back of my mind, but who are of the past, and thus shouldn't bother me anymore. I mean, if I havn't seen someone in a few months, I need to rid of the link that Ive been uncouncously reinforcing.
I'm tired. I want to be better NOW.
But... I'm eating healthily, all these natural vitamins should kick in any time now...
I used some Peppermint oil on my dad yesterday so that his back would go cold (he's got a back injury that sometimes hurts alot), and it helped : ) I feel so proud :D
My sister's been loosing alot of friends in the Afghanistan war. I'm lucky that most of my friends arn't in the military, but alot of my friends I grew up with, they're military families too. SO AManda's dad is there.... I hope he is safe...
Mark's going back next year. He's lost so many people from HIS GROUP! If he was there, we're almost positive he'd be dead.... Since he would have been with the different people who have been brought back. Steph and mark are a mess though, Marks been one of the carriers of the casket a few times now, they're not letting him do any more now since it's too much.... THier Best friends have died, two of them, and tons of people they've worked directly with and trained with in the same group...
People join the army to fight for Canada. Yes, some join because it's job, but a job where They KNOW they might have to go fight a war based on what the government decides they should fight. WE, Canadians, Vote in the government, and then that Goverment, the governemnt that WE Canadians Voted in, decide what wars to fight, thus, our army is fighting for US, for Canada.
I am getting sick of all these people saying, "they're just there because they're being paid", or "They're not fighting for Canada, they're fighting because the politicians want them there".
SO yes, that's my daily rant, or whatever you wanna call it.
Your result for The Paganism Test...
Pagan Extraordinaire
You know Paganism like the back of your hand! Maybe you even attended a few rituals, or organized some of your own. You understand how special this religion is, and keep it close to your heart. You know that it's the most ancient religion in the world (save animism which technically isn't a religion), and you want to get back to your roots. Merry meet again! Don't forget to take my two other spiritual tests: Spirit Animal Test Sitakaliism Test, my political test:
The Fruity Commie Pinko Liberal Test, and my Biology Test
The Fruity Commie Pinko Liberal Test, and my Biology Test
She didn't do to bad. Starting off with 1 min running, 1 min walking for 20. Good start.
Me.... The wind HURT! My throat and ears were so sore for a few hours afterwards... ANd I didn't dress warm enough, even though mom kept saying, dress warmer... I thought it wasn't that cold out. It took me hours to get the chill away.
Sigh.... I should be much more careful since i'm not yet healed from the chest flu. Still coughing, not as bad though, chest is almost cleared.
On a brighter note, my Holocaust essay is extended till the following week due to my illness that kept me from getting out of bed, thus school, for an entire week.
I have quite a bit of work to do.
But I had an interview with Public Safety about a summer job, they have to interview a few other students, but there's a good chance I'll get it because my studies are all in areas of the work they're looking for. I'd be able to do actual Research on Aboriginals in the correctional facilities, an extensive history from 1975 : D
Imagine that, putting my studies to actual use in a job. Real research outside of school :D
I have another interview on Friday. I'm not as stocked for the job. It's with Health canada, within an Aboriginal branch. It'd be in communications, updating the intranet, sending out memos and breifing notes, writing executive speeches for them, but there would be some interesting stuff, like working with the organizing and media of Aboriginal week, and Aboriginal Films. But not as much skill. But, they have 3 student's refered, and they're hoping to hire all three of us....
WHereas, the first job, they're only hiring one of 5/6 of us....
And.... the first job isn't likely to bridge, so I wouldnt' automatically get a gov' job when I graduated, where as the second one is much more likely..
But the first one gives me skills... And I could probually get bridged into another job because of my skills learned.
Decisions, decisions... : ) I'll take the first one, if it's offered.
Hmm. ANd I dont' even know Pay. I'll ask for at the amount I got last year, hopefully I'll get it. Might be able to start work pretty soon, with time off for studying.
I"m still sad that I can't go to Ben's wedding though. But it's the day before my two last exams. Literally, my exams at 9 am the next day, and he's all the way in Halifax. :*(
it's ironic, because he scheduled his wedding for after exams, but it turns out his school ends exams much sooner then mine... I'm not meant to go.
ONe of my friends is very sick with Group A streptococcus, and is seriously sick with it.
I'm worried about her, but there's not much to do for her.... let her know i"m worried about her and care about her. Her husband has help with the Kids, thankfully. I'm gonna call her probually tomorrow, see if she's ok, needs anything. She was having a hard time when I called yesterday, it upset me for a while.
it's a scary illness. very fast and very dangerous. I sent her energy, should do some more tonight.
*sigh*
And I'm still upset that it's taking so long for my body to get back into health! Honestly, stupid virus... I am still randomly tired, can't run very fast or with as much ease, and I still cough and have a sore chest. I know, much better then the first week, but still : (
It's almost end assignment time, let me correct, it IS end-of-term Assignemnt time, when I'm suppose to be at my Best so I can get these bloody things done and Done Good!
But instead, I have extentions, and a hard time focusing, and tiredness. Blah. But at least I'm not seriously sick, and I am able to get alot done now... If I could only focus on essay writting. I keep trying, and failing, so I switch to research homework.
........ 2 more weeks of school.
....... then 2 weeks till first exam
....... then 2 weeks till last two exams.
THEN DONE FOR SCHOOL YEAR!!!!!!
YAY!
I'm gonna try and NOT over extend myself this summer. NO Volunteering, just regular work hours. No part time schooling, excpet possibly a Financial accounting, to raise my mark to a C+ or higher. I had a C, which isn't enough to get into the minor.... lol, very sad, I know. But... I suppose, if I get less then a C+ on the Managerial Accounting, I won't have a reason to do the other one over, lol. Need them both at C+ or higher. But I know I'll do relatively well : )
Nuggets getting comfy beside me. I think I should attempt more on my essay before heading to bed.
Peace Y'all
and now she's jump away from the couch... is that A sign to go to bed..
Hmm.
Try More Writing.
Must. Finish.
Overdue Essay.
Must.
Finish...
*Sleep*
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Low |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | Low |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | Very High |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | Moderate |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | Very Low |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | Moderate |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | Low |
| Level 7 (Violent) | Very High |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | High |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | Moderate |
Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test
For an hour!
Even if it was a bit slow!
And now I'm ready for a nap... Lol
Stupid getting-over-a-flu-thus-sore-chest-fille
I have SO much work to do this weekend. I might be able to get one essay due date extended, which will help alot, but thus far, I have an essay due ASAP for quebec, an Essay due thursday for the holocaust class, and essay and presenation due thursday for Historical Representation, and a presentation due this wedneday for Graves, and the essay the following Wednesday. Yesh, lol. I welcome the summer break.
ANd for confirmation, I will be returning next year for the fourth. Mom's been teasing me about taking Masters too. Says you can get into Masters in a disipline other then your major or minor... She suggested Business, lol. Since I'll have some, it's something to think about. Or I could do History, that's be SO fun under PRofessor ElliotT. Could you imagine, doing a very intense research project on either Pagan burial practices in Canada, or Mi'kmaq burial practices, or immigration pre-1880 :D That's be so great.
Two job possibilities for the summer, one with Health canada, working on aboriginal current events and activities in the communications branch, lots of writing and learning.
Or one with .... someone, lol, Public safety. DOing actual Resarch on Aboriginals in the correctional system, a general history, taking the entire summer to do the project. Both are pretty interesting, but I got the interviews next week... Add those in while getting assignments done. FUn! lol
I have to get consentrating, work on essays. Blah. I prefer the researching part, lol.
My Akwesasne project is going well, very interesting stuff I"m learning about thier graveyard, Saw my proff for a meeting and he told me stuff, that I missed. Such as, the imagry that alot of the natives used was for Iron Work Unions. Apparently having UNION's mentioned on Markers, that's pretty unique.
I do love what I"m learning. BUt, I also wish I had that U of O teacher who gave A+ to all his students automatically. He said it improved thier ability to learn when there is no stress... WHile I disagree, I'd still take his course, bring up my GPA :D
Been trying out salad dressings, home made, Had a mustard one with white vinegar, Virgin Olive oil and a dash of brown sugar and cyan pepper. Yum, added too much cyan pepper though, lol.
TOday, simple one with Rice vinegar, little oil and salad spices. Pretty good, i'm thankful of mitch for introducing me to that, much happier knowing what's in my salad dressing, rather then all the ingrediants in bought stuff that I can't identify.
Oh, I might be moving to Marie's place this weekend. I should check... I'll be watching her cats over the summer (4-5 months) and her house, so it'll be fun : ) I'll have to figure out the bus route. The lack of cable should help me study, lol!
I'll miss her while she's gone though. She's probually the closest person I've got here, then it's Annie. hmm.
I want to go to Ritual this weekend, but I don't know if I'll have time. Might have to do something alone. This happened last one too. lol. I'm not into mystery plays, so I wasn't looking forward to Raven's flights, but I havn't seen them in so long! But the Temple... I want to vote, and see how everyone is.... they're rit's are usually very good too... Sigh.
one good thing about working 8-5. No work on weekends and nights!
.......
now i'm tired. Lol.
I went to bed at 8 last night, fell asleep after 9, woke up at 10 am... Go me. Can't wait to be OK again. Very happy though, weight stayed under 200. So I have sucessfully lost 50 pounds since i was heaviest.
After exams, I'll do it again. I don't think me being sick last night is related, since it was 2 weeks after I finished, but I'll keep an eye on it next time. So i'll be 175 after then next fast. (pound a day, doing it for 21 days), THen again at the end of the summer. bringing me to 155...
THen two months later, maybe dec, and I'll be down to 135. I've not been that small in forever...
So three more times, 60 pounds down. I'll have lost a total of ... 115 pounds. A small person. Swell :D
I was gonna do a marathon in April, well, a Mini marathon of 5 K, to be persise, but my lungs are still fulled with goo. fraid to go running. I'll try tonight or tomorrow, see if it's as bad as I think It'll be.
I was thinking of backing away from Native studies, and focusing on Business instead. But then I get things like these job oportunites, and the grave's and quebec course are so on topic of Native studies.
Sigh. Donno.
But, Sarah Maggie, a friend. TUrns out my Grandma's last name was Maggie, so we might be related, lol! Mi'kmaq's united!
Gay marriage:
1) Being gay is not natural. People always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Briteny Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans... --
Re-post this if you believe in legalizing gay marriage
went to the docs, weights going back up. Gonna possibly go see a personal trainer when I get back for a few weeks to get me into a routine that I can continue from home.
I can't wait for my visit to N.B. : )
Sorry Kerrie, won't have way to see you : (
I wished I had lost more weight so I could prove that I could. Not that I need to, but I did want to. meh.
Schools good. Did well on the exam that I was failing, did bad on an exam I was ok in, and very well in a course I was doing well in. One more to go.
Decided I don't like on-line dating. Once January comes, I'll be heading to the Pink Triangle, see about meeting people.
I am getting low on money, need to do taxes from last year, and get school funds in bank, then I'll have money again (I always overpay taxes so I get more back)
... Nuggets good, hasnt pee'd on much lately.
I miss pat and holly. Got a car now, I SHOULD go visit them, but I don't seem to have the time. I figure it's schooling, but also a slight fear of getting lost, that's keeping me from going. And now the winter. Blah to not seeing them.
I send out christmas cards this year, while I wish I got some back, that's not why I wrote them. I just wanted people to know that I think about them. THough I do wish card sending was back in style. would make me happy : )
Sundays' a meeting with some friends. I look forward to the dinner. I hate when there are new people with us. I'm so use to the specific blend of my group, that others tend to unruffle me.
I don't like being around strangers or new people, it irritates me to try to make conversation, or read them. With frineds, you can just be quiet together and both be happy.
had someone knock at the door at 9 pm tonight, dad when to look without opening the door, noone there. Kinda creeped us out, but we didn't open the door. Someone was there though, the survailance light kept going on...
Watching 'V for Vendeta!", bye
glad I didn't do anything stupid ^.^
Monday
14769 HIST 3903 C M 0.500
Cdn.Interntl.Relations,1945-89
M 06:05 pm-08:55 pm Hector Mackenzie ME 3165
HIST 3805 A M 0.500
Twentieth-Century China
WF 11:35 am-12:55 pm Jacob Kovalio (P) 01/05-04/07 SA 520
HIST 3801 A M 0.500
International History
1941-90 MW 01:05 pm-02:25 pm Andrew M. Johnston (P) 01/05-04/07 TB 236
REMINDER
Historical Theory is Available again in second semester if you Fail it!
I want my bed.
 Dear Santa...Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In March ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} michikobud and I donated clothes to the needy (11 points). In February I pulled willow_friend's hair (-5 points). Last Saturday I pulled the alarm in an elevator (-6 points). Last Thursday on a flight to Vancouver, I stole the emergency flight information card (-40 points). In June I helped ladygiggles hide a body (-173 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-213 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal! Sincerely, |
WOW, there are tons of Old LJ users on here who I havn't spoken to in years... I really must start updating my journal in order to get more comment's that are recent.. Lol.
Often, I find the government's reaction to communists, or jews in the past, to be radical, yet it seems like she's trying to tell me why the communists or jews are radical. Maybe it's because I'm excentric, or because I wasn't raised in a time where people were fearful of another war, but sometimes I just don't get it. IF you asked me to write an essay on Radicalism, I'd write you what I learned in class, but damned if I knew which part was radical and which part was the reaction to the radical...
*grin*
Isn't school so fun?
Mom's even going to start attending. She missed the first one to be with dad. The first class was great, in that we did the practical and it made sence. When reading the cards, I feel like a complete idiot who's pulling something out of her head, but then the stuff turns out right, lol. So I need practice! We've only covered a bit so far, but I think I'm going to be SO much better at Tarot by the time I'm done. Plus I'm teaching a friend what I'm learning in class, so I get that extra practice in too.
I had to turn down some witchcraft classes on tuesdays though, not enough time to do both, and Tarot seemed the base option right now. While Ancestor shrines and pagan virtues are interesting, The ancestor shrine I could do myself, probually not incorporating the many things they'd teach, but it's not a high interest right now. Pagan Virtues, more of a phylosophy, which is interesting too... But it would have been fun to meet with that group regularly.
I spoke to a T.A. in History yesterday. For Honours in History, it's one year above a B.A., which I will have suceeded with by April. Then 1 or two years for Majors (depending on research essay or Thesis), I'd obviously go for the Research essay, more interesting and only 1 year, though she said it's very condensed, and it's only the first year running at Carleton, so it's going through it's bugs and stuff.
Then it's FOUR years for a Doctorate. For some reason, I thought it'd only be 2 more years...
So for a Doctorate, that's nine years of full time schooling, ten if you don't have the research essay option...
Wow.
Since it took me seven years for a three year degree.. Lol. But that's because I wasn't sure what I was taken, took some part time schooling, and then got hit with bad bad anziety and had to drop out. So I'll take seven years...
But my life goal will be a Doctorate in History. Apparently you need VERY good marks to get in, so I don't know... I'm a B student, You need to be about at least an A- to get in....
Maybe if I do part time school while working, getting higher marks because there are less courses at once, I can save up to go back to school again later, and then have the increased GPA due to those A courses, rather then these B courses...
But yes, I really Really want to eventually get a Doctorate in History... Canadian Studies, Probually Immigration focus, pre-1930, maybe earlier. Who knows.
So yes....
The next year is one where I have to prepare for my future. I don't know if that means full time schooling, or working to pay off dept and do part time schooling. I will have a degree by then, so I'd be working towards the Honours...
That's assuming I get the job offer. If I don't, then Honours, Here I come!!!
Even with the economic crisis that seems to be hitting canada....
If I have not recipricated.
That means I don't know who you are.
Sometimes your user name does not tell me enough to recongnize your muggle name.
So, Any of you want to clarify who you are? I bet I like you in real life! I just can't figure it out....
^.^
My other assignment, the one I was freaking out over?
Turns out the reason I was taking so long to get the analysis done, was that I was trying to analyze the entire bloody thing. I forgot that 10-15 pages doubled space really isn't that big... You can only fit a little bit...
Ugg!
But it's done, it's in. After missing 2 other classes, and foregoing all activities, including sleep at some times, I got it done! Now, I'm withdrawing from the lack of time with my friends.
It didn't help that while I was dealing with this upsurge in school assignments equaling massive amounts of stress, that I managed to royally mess up on a commitee I work on :(
But it got resolved, yay, but it really made me think, If I can mess up that badly on the committee, should I be in the committee??
I mean, it's volunteer, and while I love the organization, I can't handle it if i mess up like that again, and while I don't think I will, I'm still reeling from the backlash I got because of it. Makes it aqward. Even when deserved.
But, time will tell I suppose.
So then this assignment, then I have 2 weeks to get caught up on all the material inclass that i've missed, two minor assignments for two classes I missed so I can get partial marks, and finishing my athabasca course from this summer, since I still havn't finished it.... luckily it's only got a bit left.
Then... I have to get my Historical Theory class. It's fricken hard. Not just because the course matterial is unreadable (too too technical!!) or that the class is at 8:30 monday (turns out i learn shit at that time) or that it's new, I just plain don't get it. Urk! It's going to take so much studying if I want to pass the final exam : (
I failed the midterm but I know I'll do well on the essay.
Today, my Canadian Radicalism course is at the War museum. Maybe I'll see if dad want's to go. I feel so bad because I've not been able to do much with him at all these past 2 weeks... so he was stuck inside with nothing to do.
Then when we scheduled a trip to the war museum to see an exibit (now closed), my brother messed up the plans by having his cat at a hair-cutting apt, so he used the car, and while it could have worked if we organized it better, it didn't : (
But, once this last assigment is done, I am doing something to DESTRESS! My body has been on super high alert, always tense, and my chest and stomach are always clenched. and my body super stiff. Anziety hits me bad. But luckily, I was able to still get my work done!!!! two of the three assignments done for this week! You don't know how wonderful that is. WHile I could barely breath, and had a hard time even focusing (thoughts do NOT stay in my head when i'm having a panic attack, not for even a moment), I did get it done, and well!.
Needed mom's help to get the analysing done... Wish I could have done it myself, but because I tried to do too much calculating, I ended up with too much data to try to process. I've not done that before...
But, I'm very excited for what i've learned : ) the ways you can study gravestones, and learn so bloody much about a community. I think that's what I'm going to do for my next major project (about 4 times as large as these.. 20 pages maybe?) so I'll start that now, and get my photo's taken. Anyone want to explore a graveyard with me Saterday??
*huge grin*
Aside from that. Figuring out courses for next term.
I have historical something...
And another historical something.
And my graveyards course
and Quebec since 1850
and the Holocaust.
So... I am looking for a minor in aboriginal studies too, if I stay till next year. But there is only one course availible at Carleton. They suck for aboriginal courses. actually, I'm not taking it. you've made up my mind :D
It'll likely be at UNB, so I'll take it when I get there.
:P
Talk to Y'all later!
almost time for class.. then home to do assignment.
Oh, did I mention that my labtop with my huge assigment crashed the day before it was due???
Luckily, Mom had repeatedly told me to save it online, so I had, even though I was so tired, and it was taking so long... Moms got the touch of preminition. Thankfully I listened. Because I would have lost the ENTIRE THING!.
It eventually got back up but it's not acting right. The computer error message said it bluescreened, and some other stuff... So I have to send it in.
Can viruses cause Bluescreening? I dont' think so, but I thought I should check, because mom's labtop is acting weird too, only since the day mine crashed (which didn't act weird until that night, when it was a little slow). Otherwise I'll think it was my body sending out waves of energy in it's high panic/alert mode that affected the computer. I mean, I mine as well have fallen off a 20 story building for the panic that was in my body.
I have so much bloody energy! I wish I could skip class and go for a run....
Bye!
Why? Because of an assignment.
My Graveyards and Cemeteries course. I started working on it on Monday, with a clear method, and a clear understanding of what I had to do. Normally, 3-4 days is tons for major assignments, because 1 day is for gathering material and evidence, and the next day or 2 is for formulating the words and theories onto paper. I usually get B- to an A-.
WEll, This course, I have worked on it for 4 days, and I havn't even finished analysing half the data... HALF! ANd it was due yesterday but the teacher extended the date because of the student protests yesterday..
ANd when I mean I worked 4 days, I mean, when i'm not in class, or getting to class, I"m at my computer. 8 hours a day, on ONE assignment. I've never mis-interpreted how long an asssignment would take this badly before.
It is the analysing. There are 400 pictures of tombstones. You have to write down the year of death, age and birthdate exactly as it is written (because there are various styles, volcabulary, ect which indicate diffent Grave stone cutters), and to analyse based on age. Ie change of images based on year of production. If it is a child, what sex the person is, if they are mentioned as a SON, Daughter or wife, who is all on it, If the male is bigger then the female, if there are roses, flowers, skulls, willow trees, urns, or other imagry on them, what the poems are about (god, memory or awaiting death of the viewer), ect. So alot of data. But easy, just so FUCKING TIME CONSUMING!!!
And the blood page with the images on it kept freezing and not loading. ANd my internet's been fucking up, so I've had many issues iwth that, slow loading really deplays how long it takes. Turns out the Piza whatever photo program does not work well with Modzilla. Figured that out last night when I tried the images in IE. Gah.
So I wrote the teacher, and he gave me an extra week. Said it would take alot longer then I designated aside for this assignment. Learning lesson. Very nice of him, but normally I don't NEED this much time. I am so made at myself.
Gah.
2nd major learning lesson of my week.
I'm so irritated, mad, releived at the extension, and defeated.
*sigh*
I am currenlty way over emotional.
Tomorrow is the last day to drop out of any classes.. I don't think I will. I will manage them all, But when things like this happen, I feel like giving up.
Luckily I won't. not even one course, because I will do fine. It's just, when they all start cramping together and everything becomes due, or when you have to side track readings for assignments...
ANd the crunch before due dates. I had been alot better this year then previously, but this assignment... Once this is done, I am so getting my other major assignments done so I don't have to worry about them.
FUck and Releif.
Now that i'm done venting, I feel better....
cute.
Matches my Profile Picture.
I'm tired, but not up to going back to bed..
I have to go by the store, see if there is any egyptian costumes (just the headpeice) left, then head to Barrymores to help with decorating before tonight's Witches Gathering.
Looks great, BTW, anyone who can come, it looks like a fun ritual.
Not interested in going to bed though.
Grrs over today. Apparnetly he's taken to attacking other dogs... New thing, but a serious issue. He drew blood. First time, but yesh. And it's only been a month since he started bitting at people's faces. I don't understand : (
I've been spending too much money. I will have enough with OSAP, but I should have been fine without it. I have not been careful and it's to my detriment. So... I am getting strict with myself. I'll still drive around (car is very low on gas) but I won't be paying for parking except for Monday classes (8:30 am, eck). But no more eating at school, no more latte's unless they're free. No more books and no more other stuff. I wonder if I should make an exception for my Halloween costume, or if I should just... adapt my own crap or something instead. 40-50$ for Halloween is expensive.
Yeah, I'm tired.
I think I'll go to bed...
NITE!
And now my computer is slowing down. Swell
I've been slowly trying to keep things from growing on top of each other, such as when you walk into a book laying on the floor, to not allow it to connect to everything else that's pissing me off, but it's a slow process to break that kind of habit.
Schools not bad. I kind of have a naul right now, where nothing is due except class readings. THen in about 2 weeks, 3 big assignments will be due so I'll have to get at least one of those major assignments done. I'll probually workon it Fri-mon, and see about finishing it.
For my courses, I am doing well in most of them. For my Aboriginal Art course though. I had alot of catching up to do before the exam but I did as well as possible, no further studying would have improved my mark, so I am content.
My Historical Theory, that one.. Well, I studied for the Aborignal course before this one, even though this exam was first. Smart move right???
So I paniced the whole day before and couldn't study. To make matters worse, I didn't know the matterial well to start off with. My other courses, I'm learning tons so it was a review for the exam, exept the Aborignal, a bit of relearning and new concepts. But this one, the class is monday morning, 8:30. I get to class, but I am not awake. I retain NOTHING from this class. So everything had to be relearned. And I didn't relearn it all. THus, I hope i passed, but i have a shit load of studying to do to keep on top of this class if I want to be able to do well on the final exam.
I am so looking forward to the Witches gathering this year, it will Be awesome!! I"ve seen the plans and the ritual and Wow, it's gonna be fun : D
I havn't ran in a while though, I am overdue. I hate that I have to start wearing more layers for runing though. I hate when sleeves and pants get caught on you, I am highly irritable when it comes to clothing fitting well when working out...
I was thinking of heading to NB for christmas. My childhood friend who I am close to is having a child again. C-section.
I want to be there. But mom's gotten back on her MONEY-Panic mode. Even though I'm the one who's got to pay it back. Blah.
I will have to look at it on my own, see how my money is, and see how well I can save, and then decide. I cannot listen to her tell me not to go because then I'll be pissed at her forever for not letting me go. SO I will deal with her anger, but I'll decide if I should go or not...
I havn't seen them in 1.5 years.
That's along time.
Meh, back to reading for class.
Peace y'all = )
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Had hell of a time getting out of bed though.
THen, a hell of a time leaving the house.
Just didn't want to go out.
You know when, once you see people, you will have a great time, and before you see them, you know you will, but until you actually see them, you're too lazy or ill inclined to go anywheres?
Luckily, I did get up and go! Celebrated Mabon with friends : )
one of the members asked me to watch her little one since she was performing the ritual, so I was a bit distracted during rit, because I didn't want him running off into the woods and getting lost or eaten by wolves . Bad form, that is : )
I wonder how high priests / Priestess's do it. Have a rit and have little ones in the circle. I figure it must take alot of skills to be able to keep your mind focused on performing the rit, and not loose the intent when little ones are afoot : ) Must come with experience, I imagine.
THen, I was sewing at Marie's. Never knew it took so long. It's mostly taking apart material (when its previously sewn) that is taking forever. Meh, it'll look nice.
I'm already looking forward to the witches gathering though !
I think i'm gonnna start taking reactine at night, see if it gets rid of my headache that I've been getting almost daily... All day long. Today wasn't too bad, but I did load up before leaving the house, and my head is lingering between ok and ouch.
Sometimes at night, my mind starts talking. Very refreshing to be around like minded people. Marie is wonderful company, sounds like of flaky when I write it like this, but I really do enjoy her company. SHe's honest, and since i don't really hold back, she is ok with it. She's easy to comunicate with, and I don't have to pretend or watch what I say when I'm with her.
one of her cats seems ill though, I hope the kitten get's better : (
Tomorrow, i'm probably going to Raven's Flights Mabon ritual, after brunch. I haven't seen them in a while. Oh, and I got some friends to set up dates with me to start practicing more!! Yay to better magic and meditation!
Nite Y'all
P.S. I'm disgruntled that House, Dexter and CSI are taking forever to put out their new Episodes!!!!!
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| You scored as Spiritualist You are a Spiritualist. You are most at home in the subtle realms of existence, and since you can't be there all the time, you communicate with spirits regularly to keep at least one foot on higher planes. As you progress, more and more of your interaction is based on planes other than the physical, and while this can draw strange glances from those who overhear, for the most part you are able to blend in and go unnoticed. It's a shame, really, because you have depths therefore unseen by your peers.
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and hanged man for my present.
.................................
Now I'm just waiting for my Adobe Acrobat to uninstall since it keeps asking for registration and payment...
Tuesday night I was a Zaphoids, had a blast, and realized I need to download some good industrial music...
Then at 1, there was only me and one other guy from our group... I haven't been there that late before, but I figured that was early, lol.
Now that I'm working rather then school, I can go to Zaphoids every tuesday since it won't interfere (before, I was worried about how much I could study tueday nights).
I have realized I am a promoter of FSWEP, Gov jobs.... I think that might be a sign to get into HR, lol.
ANd my job is now starting Monday instead of Friday, an extra day to study. then exam tuesday. I am a bit nervous about the job, always am for new jobs, but also because they're paying me so much, but you know what? They chose me, if I am underqualified (my ultimate fear, since I always feel inadequate in my jobs), then it's thier fault for HIring me!
Yeah, lets see if that squashes my fear.... Lol
I've been running again, feels good when i'm done, Even went with my sister, she's alot faster, so she runs then walks back to me, and on-and-on... Lol. I can't wait to get back into shape, where I can actually run with some decent speed. Right now, fast walkers pass me...
ALas, I know it's helping. Once I am at a good speed, I'll see about joining the running room again, 1/2 marathon. I am looking forward to the day that I do a marathon, without fearing of being in the last spots :D
I got my teeth cleaned today, feels good :D
Expensive though, hope insurance covers most of it.
Did I mention I'm starting Work monday??!
I had a call for a job with FSWEP, for INAC (indian and NOrthern Affairs Canada) for HR. After I said I had already gotten a job, they still told me to keep thier info in case anything changes, and asked if i was availible during the year... Mom thinks they liked that I already had HR experience, thus I probually would have gotten the job, but this job I have isn't bad either.
I hate worrying about jobs and stuff, before I have graduated. I mean, summer jobs, that's fine. But permenant jobs?? Extra stress, expecially because then it's a choise, when i'd rather just go straight forward through school, and worry about work after...
Byes.
chantelle
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Then we went to a coffee shop, and Kat R. and Melissa, also people I knew from highschool (melissa being from some of the sports teams, not Hynes), were there. Some stranger to me came by and said to amanda that he was getting married in Ottawa, and that she should come. I knew that amanda would now keep the invitation to visit me, but over lap it with the wedding, and that upset me futher, so I again walked away angry, down the street. Kat called me back, but I decided to keep going. She hobbled after me since she had a foot brace on her foot, so I stopped, and she caught up. She calmed me down, and on the way back, I said that I was sorry for things that happened in highschool. She said " "you're welcome" and I told her that wasn't the right response.
then I woke up.
If I wasn't in class, I would go to this...
Coming down with something though, been upset at the stomach, headaches, tireness and achyness. Hopefully it will pass.
I havn't been on LJ for a while, and tried catching up with my friends page, to find out it won't go back far enough for where I last read, lol.
I wasn't able to see amanda last week, I called her mom twice but she didn't answer.
I won't have a drive up for this weekend... she's only in the province for another week
I decided I want to learn to drive, so perhaps on the weekend. That way I can go cross country on a whim, or drive to work if the weather's really bad.
Schola 200 is going good. We did a earth and fire meditation, and I was surprized that it took so well. Though I have to try again before class next week.
We went over the tetrapolar compass thingy, the basics, but I never asked : what's the pratical use in ritual? is it so we understand that the elements have been argued about for a long time, to understand that theirs a 5th element? (to some people anyways, ether)
With people arguing about weither the 4 currently most common elements only actually being 3... Fire, water, earth, air... I am so use to the 4 with spirit, that its odd to think of it otherwise, though I suppose fire would be one that I would consider possibly not a element as such, but rather a state of being. donno.
Then in class, we spoke of the represenations of correlation
East - air
west - water
north - earth
south - fire
but some people have different, and i think it was natives in this area had
east - water
west - earth
north - wind
south - fire
Because that would correlate with the natural aspects around here.
So that's interesting.
But also kinda messy. if you change the correlation depending on what side of canada you're on, doesn't the aspects get messed up?
I mean, if you associate the aspects of air, ie intellegence, with west, or fire ie passion with south, then that gets all messed up when intellegence goes with north instead, because your perception of that element and the direction would't be solid anymore. North would not be intellegence anymore, right?
I got a tarot reading at the meet and greet, and one of the things it mentioned, was that I lack... um, self confidence? in my magical skills, though my spiritual part of me is thriving.
I was rewarded thursday to realize my kenning hasn't been dying down (I was worried that because i wasn't practicing that I would have to relearn the basic feel) but in class, i could ken things (yay!)
I could feel something changed, many times, I could see the pathway through the air, and physically feel the change. Although, I didn't feel some things that others did.
Like, One guy did a call from above and below in adition to the 4 quarters. which i've not hear of before, but alot of people could feel it. (any one know any online discussions or papers on these?)
I am realizing that it also relies on pratical use. at work, i'll have a moment of thinking of taking break, or i'll be in the middle of reading something for 20 minutes, and look up to see that all my tools are ready, to have a call come in. I'm pretty good at telling that I'll have a call within moments of it coming in, lol, but I think I would like to take this *talent?* and use it somewhere else.. Where though... In tarot readings? knowing a calls coming.. not so significant, but being able to pratically use this somewhere else?
What kind of everyday things can I start looking into.
seeing people, and judging weither they'll leave early or not, seeing if people i feel won't come in, that dont? still not very pratical.
Knowing it will be a bad day or not, that I can feel around with and usually get it right on, but then with that comes the whole perception set, comes.
I am glad that class is every week though, being able to ken during ritual is good.
Where else do people do energy work, expect ritual?
Or healing.
What are the everyday pratical uses of energy work?
Aside from sheilding. perhaps knowing when you need to? Being able to see neg' energies and keeping them from yourself?
Ah, I guess in altering negitive energies, or clearing it from a room, or from objects?
or changing the atmosphere to one more clear, rather then heywire energies.
hm, answered my own questions :)
I am having a hard time getting my school work done. I have only one course, that I can do at any time, on natives and the groups in canada. I can't seem to get myself to do it. I have a month left if I dont' extend it. Why am I having such a hard time? though I should have expected this, i am such a procrastonator, that 's why I love schola, the godess course, brunch, meet and greet, it makes me think then I go ahead and research, read.
But this... I don't interact with anything that steers me away from procrastination.
Sigh
OH, does anyone know of any online quizes that tell you what element you are?
I figure i'm an earth, but we were discussing that in class, which one was our most promenent element (vs our subconcous element that usually was it's oposite).
Anyways, I should go to bed. lots to do tomorrow
Visiting Craig and his snakes with dad, seeing doctor for right hip thingy, seeing bank on suspended accounts (they called and left a message saying some fraugulent store got my card info so they froze my accounts... wonderful since I can't get it reactivated till I see them, and I work till 930 when I'm not busy with pagany things.) and I need to go to brunch with dad, do some homework (please please) and have another doc appointment sunday, and then hopefully sunday night, Raven's flight meeting, and possibly visit a piano sale thingy this weekend if I have time... oh, and hopefully go driving a little, and get my athabasca stuff set up, or look for jobs since mine ends april 20th... lol
all this in 2 days, with sleeping in saterday!
*sigh*
I didn't realize i was so talkative!
Ben, what are you up to?
Amanda's baby, Robbie, is 3 months now, and is adorable.
I miss them alot already, lol.
But I had the flu while I was down. 5 days it lasted before my stomach didn't hurt most of the day. I was really sick too. Thankfully, I wasnt sneazing or anything, so lots of handwashing kept everyone else sick free.
It's nice to feel missed. And being back with them, makes me want to go back.
But I need to pay off my loan first.
so it will be at least a year or so.
And thier babies are so cute, I can't wait.
I will though, until I have no loan (not counting Morgage or such) and after I get some education and a good career picked out
So at least 3-4 years before I have any babies (assuming I get to choose)lol
One thing I am definitely getting while I am in ontario, is training. Training on a spiritual level.
Actually, anyone know of any groups here in ottawa that has Rituals for either the new moons or full moons? I assume that is likely dianic, but I would like to learn and also have a bit more ritual experience.
"We adore chaos because we love to produce order."
- M. C. Escher"unique family" - pagan family mon 19th, TLC
"Trya's show" - past show on focused on witches
"Covenspace?"
places to get pagan stuff...
fabric land - cloaks and robes in costume location (lol)
Music
The dragon drummers
Medeival babes
True Psychopath
You scored 11 on Emotional Detachment and 12 on Chaotic Lifestyle!
Congratulations, you are both emotionally detached, and you lead a chaotic lifestyle, which may indicate there's something seriously wrong with you. A combined score of 30 or more on this test supports a diagnosis of psychopathy. You are likely to commit, or already have commited, a crime. Stay away from knives, guns etc. although with your brilliant and versatile mind you will probably think of a dozen other ways of hurting whoever you feel like hurting.
If your combined score is 5 or less, you are completely average compared to general population. If your combined score is 20 or more, you have a mind of a true criminal. If your combined score is 30 or more, you have a mind of a psycho.
The Psychopathy Test
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testi
Also, I decided to do the midsummer ritual with Robert :)
We will have finished Schola Level 2 classes by then, so I really look forward to it. I will have to have a few practice runs though, and I imagine I will be quite freaked out, lol, Stage fright, but I know Robert has the same issues, so we'll figure that out together.
It looks like it’s a go for Marie and Louis doing the Ostara rit. I agree with the class, they'll do a really neat ritual.
I was thinking about the egregore (group mind thingy that exists on its own), and I was thinking, if the temple of the sacred grove doesn’t do linking in the rituals, does that mean there’s no egregore for the Grove? Or that it’s not as strong, or is there one just the same as for schola?
I've got some issues with a member in the community, but I think I’ve decided to just let it lie, and not participate near this member rather then confront them. He makes a lot of sexual jokes, or turns basic things into sexual connotations with almost all the girls. But today he did that, took some things a girl was saying and turned it into a sexual joke, and no one laughed, so maybe if that keeps happening, he'll realize people don’t like those kinds of jokes. Sexual jokes can be fine, but there's a limit...
Schola Party next Saturday, I'm looking forward to it, though with Wally, I started seeing him, then stopped altogether without telling him why, and haven’t spoken or seen him for 1.5 months. I will be seeing him tomorrow, so that might be weird. I can't wait to see Sadie though; I haven’t seen her in a while.
Tomorrow, brunch with my family at the pagan brunch, then Ritual with the Red maple grove, then I am bringing my dad with me (after I ask) to the after party, then that night is the raven's flight ritual.
I've been working on understanding the God. I have no real perception of him, or understanding, and that goes all the way to the male species. I haven’t understood the relationship-wise things, or the actual meaning, ie sacrifice, dedication, physical strength. Dennis is helping me with that though. He gave me a book to borrow, "The witches’ god" as a starter, and we'll go over the complementary god to the goddess that Michelle teaches about in her Goddess Classes Monday nights.
I'm heading to N.B. at the end of February. I can't wait. But I’m getting nervous, lol. I haven’t seen them in 2 years. And I’ll see the babies! And realize how much I have grown away from them. So depressing… I hate it. I always do this though, when I am away from them, wonder that things have changed too much to be anything the same, in loving each other and the relationship, but every time in the past, I am proven I worried about nothing : )
I had a dream about Ryan last night. Sigh.
I was moving back to Halifax with all my luggage and he accepted the apologies of mine that I gave in the dream, and he was really upset with himself (not about anything between us, just himself). Mom was there with me, and Rob and Katie were there with Ryan. He mentioned that he was going to a therapist, for depression I think.
I hope he's not depressed in real life, that wouldn't be good at all.
We're going to see Gigi next week. She's not doing well, but the Fortune teller told mom and Richard (on different days, not knowing they were related) that she would live for another 6-7 years. I simply hope that it wasn't a mis-interpretation of years vs weeks or months. That would be sad.
But, I found out that a friend of mine, Monique, her mother is a bourgeois.... My mom is a bourgeois.
I know she's not related within 2-3 generations, because I would have seen her at the funeral for my mom's godfather/uncle. But I will bring the bourgeois family book to brunch tomorrow, and see if we can find where her family divided from mine, somewhere up the lineage :)
It sucks that Mark and Monica won’t' be coming to Ottawa much anymore... Once the schola party is done :(
I liked being with them. Though, I did invite myself to visit them in Toronto, and they accepted, lol
So one day, with previous arrangements, I will see if I can go there and spend a day or two with them.
I’m very glad for the things I am learning, the skills I've been developing. Kenning, the use of the 6th sense, I am able to use it! Just this summer, I struggled so much to feel anything. At Kaleidoscope, Rick had me and Sadie on his sides then broke the circle’s energy link, and that was the first time I kenned consciously. Now, I can do it by mental request :)
And grounding and centering, so basic, but man, that has helped my anxiety issues, they are kinda coming back, but I think that's because of the on-coming trip (and the fact that I haven’t been doing much grounding and centering while class was off for Christmas) but that has helped out my life all over.
And the connection, information, about the goddess and god; it's involvement into basic life stuff. It’s mystifying how much it revolves around everything, everyday events and issues. The more I learn, the more I can see the things in front of me, which I never looked at before.
I am learning so much, and will continue to do so. I am so grateful for the last 6 months.
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